Sunday, January 16, 2011

R. Lee Ermey Holds a Press Conference - For Your Reading Pleasure

In a perfect world, Marine Corps Drill Instructors would be allowed to address the Press.  The following was sent to me by a friend and co-worker.  He is a Veterean and his son is a graduate of Westpoint.

This is what it would be like if DI's were allowed to speak to the press.  I will warn you the language is, well, Drill Instructor like.  Enjoy!:

For the few of you who missed him, R. Lee Ermey is the host of The History Channel's "Mail Call" and played the Drill Instructor in the movie, "Full Metal Jacket." He is a retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a very plain speaker, as you will read. So, for your entertainment, here is Retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey at his first press conference. The main topic of discussion is a Marine in Iraq who shot an Iraqi insurgent to death.

We pick up with the reporter asking about how this "potential war crime" will affect our image in the world:

Ermey: "WHAT KIND OF A PANSY-ASSED QUESTION IS THAT?"

Reporter 1: "Well I think...."

Ermey: "THINK, FANCY BOY?! GET THIS THROUGH THAT SEPTIC TANK ON TOP OF YOUR SHOULDERS, YOU MORON: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? THAT MARINE SHOT A KILLER, AN ENEMY COMBATANT, A SHITHEAD; SO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND DEAL WITH IT BEFORE I MAKE YOU MY OWN PERSONAL PIN CUSHION!

NEXT QUESTION: YOU IN THE BLUE SUIT."

Reporter 2: Don't you think that the world's opinion of our operations is important?

Ermey: "OH SURE! YOU DON'T KNOW THE TIMES I HAVE CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT SOME GODDAMNED FRENCH PANSY THINKS! OH, THE DAYS I'VE WEPT BECAUSE I FELT SOME SHIT EATING, TERRORIST SCUMBAG, MIGHT BE MAD AT US BECAUSE WE WENT INTO WHATEVER GOD-FOR-SAKEN SHIT HOLE HE LIVED IN AND KILLED ONE OF HIS PALS AS WE TOOK HIM PRISIONER. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DUMBASS QUESTION IS THAT, YOU PETER-PUFFING JACKASS? WE ARE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND WHEN YOU ATTACK US WE'RE GOING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BLOW YOUR STINKING, CAMEL-LICKING CARCASS INTO PIECES SO SMALL WE WILL BE ABLE TO BURY YOUR SORRY ASS IN A THIMBLE! YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. YOU'RE PROBABLY AFRAID OF OPINION, THINKING THAT I HAVE SUCH AN "EXTREME" ATTITUDE, AND THAT I NEED TO BE MORE "SENSITIVE" TO OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. WELL HOW ABOUT THE FEELINGS OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT HAD TO JUMP FROM WINDOWS IN THE TWIN TOWERS ON 9/11 FROM 70 AND 80 STORIES UP? OR THOSE PEOPLE WHO NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO JUMP. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU POLE-SMOKING PANSY! I DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS, OR EVEN ONE SHIT, WHAT YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE THINKS! THIS IS A DAMN WAR WE'RE IN, AND IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT THEN YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND SUCK ON YER MAMMA'S TIT! DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU CROSS-EYED, TAKE-IT-UP-THE-ASS, POGUE? NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I GO CRAZY AND DECIDE TO KICK THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF YOU!

NEXT QUESTION: YOU WITH THE UGLY-ASSED TIE. LOOK AT THAT THING! LORDY BE JESUS, IT'S HIDEOUS! DID YOU BUY THAT DAMNED THING, OR DID YOU FIND IT IN A BACK ALLEY SHITCAN?"

Reporter 3: "Aren't you going against the freedom of the press by..."

Ermey: "FREEDOM? WHAT IN BLUE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FREEDOM? I'VE SWEATED MY ASS OFF IN JUNGLES, AND ELSEWHERE, WHILE BEING SHOT AT FOR THIS NATION AND ITS PEOPLE! WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE, YOU SHIT-SUCKING WEASEL? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PUT YOUR ASS ON THE LINE FOR ANYBODY OR ANYTHING? AND YET YOU HAVE THE UNMITIGATED TEMERITY TO SHOW UP HERE AND MONDAY-MORNING QUARTERBACK THE ACTIONS OF A BRAVE MARINE ENGAGED IN MORTAL COMBAT ON YOUR BEHALF AND THE BEHALF OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, A MARINE WHO WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF AND HIS UNIT FROM AN ATTACK BY SOME MURDEROUS AL-QUEDA SON-OF-A-BITCH! WELL, KISS MY ASS; YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I AM CONCERNED ABOUT, NUMB-NUTS? I AM CONCERNED ABOUT A BUNCH OF SHIT-ASSED, HALF-ASSED ORGANIZED MORONS WITH CAMERAS AND MICROPHONES DOING THEIR BEST TO PORTRAY OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN SOLDIERS AND MARINES AS MODERN WAR CRIMINALS! I'M CONCERNED ABOUT THE CHICKEN-SHIT PANSIES WHO WANT US TO NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS AND WHINE ABOUT THEIR PISS-ANT "FREEDOMS!"

Reporter 3: "I ..."

Ermey: "'I WHAT', YOU ASSHOLE? DID YOU HAVE A BIG BOWL OF STUPID CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING, NUMB-NUTS? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD OUT OF THAT COMMIE CRY HOLE IN THAT SHIT-PILE YOU CALL A HEAD! AND THAT GOES TRIPLE FOR THE REST OF YOU PANSY-ASSED, ULTRA-LEFT-WING, LIBERAL ASSED, SHIT SIMPLE, MORONS! NOW ALL OF YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I SHOVE MY MY SIZE 12-BOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASSES THAT YOU ALL END UP CHOKING TO DEATH ON MY SHOELACES!"


Ah, yes, Marine Corps DI's have a language all their own. God bless 'em all.

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing... I love R. Lee Ermey. I could totally hear these words coming from his mouth!

    BTW - I'm hoping for a Bears/Steelers Superbowl... but I'm a Steelers girl. :-)

    Thanks again, Dennis - made my day!

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  2. DA BEARS vs. DA BURGH... STEELERS WIN #7!!!

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  3. He's got my vote for anything he wants to do!

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