Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm not scared to beat up a 6 year old!

"Is your daughter home?" I don't care who these words come from or at what age the person is that speaks them, it turns a Dad's stomach. At least it does mine. When I found out my wife and I were going to have a girl almost 6 and a half years ago, I remember standing there in the ultrasound room thinking, Daddy's little girl. The second thought was not so pleasant. Somebody is going to want to date her someday.

So what did that mean? That meant at that very moment somewhere in this world there was a little boy, hell he might not have even been born yet. I don't like him. At all. Period.

A great guy that used to work for me and became a fantastic friend had raised three daughters. He mentioned the 1st thought and the 2nd thought. He smiled and says the 2nd thought never goes away. Great. 14 months later we were blessed with my 2nd daughter. Two to worry about now.

I have a son and don't remember ever thinking , "man I hope he doesn't have a bunch of girlfriends." Those thoughts never crossed my mind. He has now graduated high school and been through more girlfriends than I can remember their names. Still no problem there.

But, what about my girls? They are all of 5 and 6 and it already strokes me out. Two days into kindergarten my oldest daughter comes home and tells me a boy called her "hot". That's it I am whipping some 5 year old ass, come here boy. Then she started coming home with stuffed animals the boys were giving her. What the hell? Where are the teachers when these wolves are tracking my sweet daughter?

Now my youngest daughter is in kindergarten and her and her sister talk about the "cute" boys in school. Excuse me while I vomit………Ok I am back. I am not sure I am wired for all that lies ahead of me.

Now that I have laid the foundation for this thought, it brings me to the boys in my subdivision. Especially the little 6 year old stalker from across the street. The one that showed up on my doorstep at 7:05 am to let me know the bus was coming in an hour. The one that showed up at 8:15 pm wanting to know if MY girls could come out and play. The one that has made me a hostage in my house, who runs across the road every time my front or garage door comes open. C'mon man go find a boy to play with.

My wife laughs at me. In fact everyone that hears my rants and concerns gets a real kick out of it. Not funny folks. What am I going to do the day I open the front door and find the teenage version of me standing on my front porch wanting to see one of my girls? I figure this may be some type of payback for the things that I may or may have not done when I was growing up.

So in closing, if in the next 10 years or so, my daughters and I disappear, well it is because we have moved to an undisclosed location and will be remaining in hiding until they are 40. Any Dad's out there know of place to move to, because I know you have thought of it.

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